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Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors
Hardware /nm./: the part of the computer that you can kick.
Maniac /n./ An early computer built by nuts.
RAM /abr./: Rarely Adequate Memory.
Programmer /n./ A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels
Plonk /excl./: The sound a newbie makes as he falls to the bottom of a kill file
hURL /n./: a link to a web site that makes you want to puke
SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.
If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot it? . The Covert Comic.
A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. . Joseph Campbell
I dropped my computer on my foot! That Megahurtz!!
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord
586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC
Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation..
Want to come see my HARD DRIVE ? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy. . Geek pick-up line.
If you torture the data enough, it will confess. . Ronald Coase
If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Use the source, Luke...
Programming is an art form that fights back
MacOS, Windows, BeOS: they're all just Xerox copies
Whenever you think you have a clever programming trick... forget it!
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats. . Dave Platt
Your program is sick ! Shoot it and put it out of its memory
/* You are not expected to understand this */
To define recursion, we must first define recursion
ERROR: Computer possessed; Load EXOR.SYS ? [Y/N]
Linux is only free if your time is worthless
Linux: find out what you've been missing while you've been rebooting Windows NT
unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best
It's 5.50 a.m.... Do you know where your stack pointer is?
#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) . Shakespeare
The more I C, the less I see.
Confucius say: He who play in root, eventually kill tree.
Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully
C++: Hard to learn and built to stay that way
Java is, in many ways, C++-- . Michael Feldman.
They don't make bugs like Bunny anymore . Olav Mjelde
If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem you encounter resembles a nail
System Error: press F13 to continue...
To err is human, but for a real disaster you need a computer
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code
Who is this 'General Failure' and why is he reading my disk?
hAS aNYONE sEEN MY cAPSLOCK kEY?
InspIRCd, now with excessive ammounts of Cheeze
I'm in the computer business, I make Out-Of-Order signs
Kevorkian Virus: helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
[OUT OF QUOTES, PLEASE ORDER MORE]
Error, no keyboard . press F1 to continue.
Insert Something Funkeh.. err.. There! -->
Cannot delete tmp150---3.tmp: There is not enough free disk space. Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again
File not found. Should I fake it ? (Y/N)
The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
It's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages
Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity
Making fun of AOL users is like making fun of the kid in the wheel chair
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, do what I did . try kick-boxing.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII and ye shall receive.
The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit.
<FrostyCoolSlug> NO, You cannot dial 999, I'm downloading my mail ;/
640K ought to be enough for anybody. . Bill Gates, 1981
Windows not found, [P]arty, [C]elebrate, [D]rink?
English, the Microsoft of languages...
It's been said that Bill Gates named his company after his dick...
Ever notice how fast Windows runs ? -- Neither did I
If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated
"Microsoft Works." . Oxymoron
Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something
PANIC! buffer = :NickServ WRITE_DB(3). <-- JUST KIDDING!
It just keeps going and going and going and going and goi <BANG>
All that I know is that nukes are comming from 127.0.0.1
I know all about the irc and the mirc cops.
M re ink n ed d, ple s r fil
Please refrain from feeding the IRC Operators. Thank you.
I know all about mirc stuff, hmm.. I think this channel is experiencing packet loss..
MacDonalds claims Macintosh stole their next idea of the iMac
I can't hold her any longer, captain, she's gonna bl.. sorry, got caught up in the moment
I recommend purchasing a Cyrix CPU for testing nuclear meltdowns
Is it an international rule to have the worst picture possible on your driver license?
Have you hugged your services coder, today?
Ever wonder why they make the colon flash on alarm clocks?
Whats this?.. blue screen with a VXD error?!.. I'VE BEEN NUKED!
do-do-bop-doo-doo-do-do-doo.. For those of you who know that song, you have problems..
be wery wery quiet... hunting wabbit...
I've been IRC Nuked"Great warrior? War does not make one great." - Yoda
"I find your lack of faith.....disturbing." - Darth Vader
"I have a bad feeling about this.."--All of the Star Wars characters.
Can I upgrade my Hard Drive to a WARP drive?
Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>
Canadian DOS: "Yer sure, eh?" [y/n]
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
Famous Last Words: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
Hey Captain, I just created a black ho-�p!%$� NO CARRIER
I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
*grumble* "You're just supposed to sit here?"
"Hey, what's this button d..<BOOM>" -W. Crusher
"He has become One with Himself!" "He's passed out!" "That too."-B5
For a funny quote, call back later.
Famous last words: 'You saw a WHAT around the corner?!'
I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!?
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Computing Definition - Network-Admin: Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash.
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
Famous last words: This is the safe way to do it.......
Famous Last Words: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
Clinton, "I didn't say that - er, well - yes, but I didn't mean..."
CLINTON LEGACY??...even Pharaoh had only ten plagues...
IBM I Bought McIntosh
IBM I Bring Manuals
IBM I've Been Moved
IBM Idolized By Management
IBM Impenetrable Brain Matter
IBM Imperialism By Marketing
IBM Incorrigible Boisterous Mammoth
IBM Inertia Breeds Mediocrity
IBM Ingenuity Becomes Mysterious
IBM Ingrained Batch Mentality
IBM Innovation By Management
IBM Insipid Belligerent Mossbacks
IBM Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
IBM Inspect Before Multiusing
IBM Install Bigger Memory
IBM Institution By Machiavelli
IBM Insultingly Boring Merchandisers
IBM Intellectuals Being Moronized
IBM Intelligence Belittling Meaning
IBM Intimidated, Buffaloed Management
IBM Into Building Money
IBM Intolerant of Beards & Moustaches
IBM Invest Before Multi-tasking
IBM Investigate Baffling Malodor
IBM Irresponsible Behave Multinational
IBM It Beats Mattel
IBM It's a Big Mess
IBM It's Better Manually
IBM Itty Bitty Machine
IBM Institute for Black Magic
100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Rules of the game: Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Rules of the game: Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
Computing Definition - Error: What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
WinErr 653: Multitasking attempted - system confused.
Cannot join #real_life (invite only)
"Unfortunatly, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself." - Matrix
"Reality is a thing of the past" - Matrix
"The future will not be user friendly" - Matrix
"The general idea in chat is to make yourself understandable... ..." - Peer
"heh i am talkin to someone...she's not dead...yet anyways" - Stinky
"He who must die, must die in the dark, even though he sells candles"
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
"France sucks, but Paris swallows"
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
"Ever wonder why the SAME PEOPLE make up ALL the conspiracy theories?
"Don't think of it as being outnumbered. Think of it as having a wide target selection."
"Sysadmins can't be sued for malpractice, but surgeons don't have to deal with patients who install new versions of their own innards."
"FACE!"
"Dirka Dirka Mohammed JIHAD!"
We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys.
"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." - Herbert Hoover
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