1 Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell
2 Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors
3 Hardware /nm./: the part of the computer that you can kick.
4 Maniac /n./ An early computer built by nuts.
5 RAM /abr./: Rarely Adequate Memory.
6 Programmer /n./ A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects
7 Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels
8 Plonk /excl./: The sound a newbie makes as he falls to the bottom of a kill file
9 hURL /n./: a link to a web site that makes you want to puke
10 SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.
11 If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot it? . The Covert Comic.
12 A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. . Joseph Campbell
13 I dropped my computer on my foot! That Megahurtz!!
14 A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord
15 586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC
16 Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it
17 If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
18 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation..
19 Want to come see my HARD DRIVE ? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy. . Geek pick-up line.
20 If you torture the data enough, it will confess. . Ronald Coase
21 If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime
22 ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
23 Use the source, Luke...
24 Programming is an art form that fights back
25 MacOS, Windows, BeOS: they're all just Xerox copies
26 Whenever you think you have a clever programming trick... forget it!
27 Managing senior programmers is like herding cats. . Dave Platt
28 Your program is sick ! Shoot it and put it out of its memory
29 /* You are not expected to understand this */
30 To define recursion, we must first define recursion
31 ERROR: Computer possessed; Load EXOR.SYS ? [Y/N]
32 Linux is only free if your time is worthless
33 Linux: find out what you've been missing while you've been rebooting Windows NT
34 unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep
35 Profanity is the one language all programmers know best
36 It's 5.50 a.m.... Do you know where your stack pointer is?
37 #define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) . Shakespeare
38 The more I C, the less I see.
39 Confucius say: He who play in root, eventually kill tree.
40 Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully
41 C++: Hard to learn and built to stay that way
42 Java is, in many ways, C++-- . Michael Feldman.
43 They don't make bugs like Bunny anymore . Olav Mjelde
44 If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in
45 When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem you encounter resembles a nail
46 System Error: press F13 to continue...
47 To err is human, but for a real disaster you need a computer
48 Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
49 Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code
50 Who is this 'General Failure' and why is he reading my disk?
51 hAS aNYONE sEEN MY cAPSLOCK kEY?
52 InspIRCd, now with excessive ammounts of Cheeze
53 I'm in the computer business, I make Out-Of-Order signs
54 Kevorkian Virus: helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
55 [OUT OF QUOTES, PLEASE ORDER MORE]
56 Error, no keyboard . press F1 to continue.
57 Cannot delete tmp150---3.tmp: There is not enough free disk space. Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again
58 File not found. Should I fake it ? (Y/N)
59 The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in
60 If it's not on fire, it's a software problem
61 My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
62 It's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages
63 Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity
64 Making fun of AOL users is like making fun of the kid in the wheel chair
65 Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
66 Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
67 See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now.
68 If you can't beat your computer at chess, do what I did . try kick-boxing.
69 Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
70 ASCII and ye shall receive.
71 The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit.
72 <FrostyCoolSlug> NO, You cannot dial 999, I'm downloading my mail ;/
73 640K ought to be enough for anybody. . Bill Gates, 1981
74 Windows not found, [P]arty, [C]elebrate, [D]rink?
75 English, the Microsoft of languages...
76 It's been said that Bill Gates named his company after his dick...
77 Ever notice how fast Windows runs ? -- Neither did I
78 If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft
79 We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated
80 "Microsoft Works." . Oxymoron
81 Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something
82 PANIC! buffer = :NickServ WRITE_DB(3). <-- JUST KIDDING!
83 It just keeps going and going and going and going and goi <BANG>
84 All that I know is that nukes are comming from 127.0.0.1
85 I know all about the irc and the mirc cops.
86 M re ink n ed d, ple s r fil
87 Please refrain from feeding the IRC Operators. Thank you.
88 I know all about mirc stuff, hmm.. I think this channel is experiencing packet loss..
89 MacDonalds claims Macintosh stole their next idea of the iMac
90 I can't hold her any longer, captain, she's gonna bl.. sorry, got caught up in the moment
91 I recommend purchasing a Cyrix CPU for testing nuclear meltdowns
92 Is it an international rule to have the worst picture possible on your driver license?
93 Have you hugged your services coder, today?
94 Ever wonder why they make the colon flash on alarm clocks?
95 Whats this?.. blue screen with a VXD error?!.. I'VE BEEN NUKED!
96 do-do-bop-doo-doo-do-do-doo.. For those of you who know that song, you have problems..
97 be wery wery quiet... hunting wabbit...
98 I've been IRC Nuked"Great warrior? War does not make one great." - Yoda
99 "I find your lack of faith.....disturbing." - Darth Vader
100 "I have a bad feeling about this.."--All of the Star Wars characters.
101 Can I upgrade my Hard Drive to a WARP drive?
102 Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>
103 Canadian DOS: "Yer sure, eh?" [y/n]
104 CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
105 I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
106 Famous Last Words: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
107 Hey Captain, I just created a black ho-÷p!%$û NO CARRIER
108 I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
109 Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
110 Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
111 Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
112 *grumble* "You're just supposed to sit here?"
113 "Hey, what's this button d..<BOOM>" -W. Crusher
114 "He has become One with Himself!" "He's passed out!" "That too."-B5
115 For a funny quote, call back later.
116 Famous last words: 'You saw a WHAT around the corner?!'
117 I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
118 If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
119 Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
120 Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
121 BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
122 My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
123 Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!?
124 Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
125 Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
126 Computing Definition - Network-Admin: Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash.
127 An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
128 Famous last words: This is the safe way to do it.......
129 Famous Last Words: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
130 Clinton, "I didn't say that - er, well - yes, but I didn't mean..."
131 CLINTON LEGACY??...even Pharaoh had only ten plagues...
132 IBM I Bought McIntosh
135 IBM Idolized By Management
136 IBM Impenetrable Brain Matter
137 IBM Imperialism By Marketing
138 IBM Incorrigible Boisterous Mammoth
139 IBM Inertia Breeds Mediocrity
140 IBM Ingenuity Becomes Mysterious
141 IBM Ingrained Batch Mentality
142 IBM Innovation By Management
143 IBM Insipid Belligerent Mossbacks
144 IBM Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
145 IBM Inspect Before Multiusing
146 IBM Install Bigger Memory
147 IBM Institution By Machiavelli
148 IBM Insultingly Boring Merchandisers
149 IBM Intellectuals Being Moronized
150 IBM Intelligence Belittling Meaning
151 IBM Intimidated, Buffaloed Management
152 IBM Into Building Money
153 IBM Intolerant of Beards & Moustaches
154 IBM Invest Before Multi-tasking
155 IBM Investigate Baffling Malodor
156 IBM Irresponsible Behave Multinational
159 IBM It's Better Manually
160 IBM Itty Bitty Machine
161 IBM Institute for Black Magic
162 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
163 Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
164 Rules of the game: Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
165 Rules of the game: Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
166 Computing Definition - Error: What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.
167 Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
168 WinErr 653: Multitasking attempted - system confused.
169 Cannot join #real_life (invite only)
170 "Unfortunatly, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself." - Matrix
171 "Reality is a thing of the past" - Matrix
172 "The future will not be user friendly" - Matrix
173 "The general idea in chat is to make yourself understandable... ..." - Peer
174 "heh i am talkin to someone...she not dead...yet anyways" - Stinky
projects / user / henk / code / inspircd.git / blob