data/rbot/plugins/insult.rb

   1 class InsultPlugin < Plugin
   2
   3 ## insults courtesy of http://insulthost.colorado.edu/
   4
   5 ##
   6 # Adjectives
   7 ##
   8 @@adj = [
   9 "acidic",
  10 "antique",
  11 "contemptible",
  12 "culturally-unsound",
  13 "despicable",
  14 "evil",
  15 "fermented",
  16 "festering",
  17 "foul",
  18 "fulminating",
  19 "humid",
  20 "impure",
  21 "inept",
  22 "inferior",
  23 "industrial",
  24 "left-over",
  25 "low-quality",
  26 "malodorous",
  27 "off-color",
  28 "penguin-molesting",
  29 "petrified",
  30 "pointy-nosed",
  31 "salty",
  32 "sausage-snorfling",
  33 "tastless",
  34 "tempestuous",
  35 "tepid",
  36 "tofu-nibbling",
  37 "unintelligent",
  38 "unoriginal",
  39 "uninspiring",
  40 "weasel-smelling",
  41 "wretched",
  42 "spam-sucking",
  43 "egg-sucking",
  44 "decayed",
  45 "halfbaked",
  46 "infected",
  47 "squishy",
  48 "porous",
  49 "pickled",
  50 "coughed-up",
  51 "thick",
  52 "vapid",
  53 "hacked-up",
  54 "unmuzzled",
  55 "bawdy",
  56 "vain",
  57 "lumpish",
  58 "churlish",
  59 "fobbing",
  60 "rank",
  61 "craven",
  62 "puking",
  63 "jarring",
  64 "fly-bitten",
  65 "pox-marked",
  66 "fen-sucked",
  67 "spongy",
  68 "droning",
  69 "gleeking",
  70 "warped",
  71 "currish",
  72 "milk-livered",
  73 "surly",
  74 "mammering",
  75 "ill-borne",
  76 "beef-witted",
  77 "tickle-brained",
  78 "half-faced",
  79 "headless",
  80 "wayward",
  81 "rump-fed",
  82 "onion-eyed",
  83 "beslubbering",
  84 "villainous",
  85 "lewd-minded",
  86 "cockered",
  87 "full-gorged",
  88 "rude-snouted",
  89 "crook-pated",
  90 "pribbling",
  91 "dread-bolted",
  92 "fool-born",
  93 "puny",
  94 "fawning",
  95 "sheep-biting",
  96 "dankish",
  97 "goatish",
  98 "weather-bitten",
  99 "knotty-pated",
 100 "malt-wormy",
 101 "saucyspleened",
 102 "motley-mind",
 103 "it-fowling",
 104 "vassal-willed",
 105 "loggerheaded",
 106 "clapper-clawed",
 107 "frothy",
 108 "ruttish",
 109 "clouted",
 110 "common-kissing",
 111 "pignutted",
 112 "folly-fallen",
 113 "plume-plucked",
 114 "flap-mouthed",
 115 "swag-bellied",
 116 "dizzy-eyed",
 117 "gorbellied",
 118 "weedy",
 119 "reeky",
 120 "measled",
 121 "spur-galled",
 122 "mangled",
 123 "impertinent",
 124 "bootless",
 125 "toad-spotted",
 126 "hasty-witted",
 127 "horn-beat",
 128 "yeasty",
 129 "boil-brained",
 130 "tottering",
 131 "hedge-born",
 132 "hugger-muggered",
 133 "elf-skinned",
 134 ]
 135
 136 ##
 137 # Amounts
 138 ##
 139 @@amt = [
 140 "accumulation",
 141 "bucket",
 142 "coagulation",
 143 "enema-bucketful",
 144 "gob",
 145 "half-mouthful",
 146 "heap",
 147 "mass",
 148 "mound",
 149 "petrification",
 150 "pile",
 151 "puddle",
 152 "stack",
 153 "thimbleful",
 154 "tongueful",
 155 "ooze",
 156 "quart",
 157 "bag",
 158 "plate",
 159 "ass-full",
 160 "assload",
 161 ]
 162
 163 ##
 164 # Objects
 165 ##
 166 @@noun = [
 167 "bat toenails",
 168 "bug spit",
 169 "cat hair",
 170 "chicken piss",
 171 "dog vomit",
 172 "dung",
 173 "fat-woman's stomach-bile",
 174 "fish heads",
 175 "guano",
 176 "gunk",
 177 "pond scum",
 178 "rat retch",
 179 "red dye number-9",
 180 "Sun IPC manuals",
 181 "waffle-house grits",
 182 "yoo-hoo",
 183 "dog balls",
 184 "seagull puke",
 185 "cat bladders",
 186 "pus",
 187 "urine samples",
 188 "squirrel guts",
 189 "snake assholes",
 190 "snake bait",
 191 "buzzard gizzards",
 192 "cat-hair-balls",
 193 "rat-farts",
 194 "pods",
 195 "armadillo snouts",
 196 "entrails",
 197 "snake snot",
 198 "eel ooze",
 199 "slurpee-backwash",
 200 "toxic waste",
 201 "Stimpy-drool",
 202 "poopy",
 203 "poop",
 204 "craptacular carpet droppings",
 205 "jizzum",
 206 "cold sores",
 207 "anal warts",
 208 ]
 209
 210   def help(plugin, topic="")
 211     if(plugin == "insult")
 212       return "insult me|<person> => insult you or <person>"
 213     elsif(plugin == "msginsult")
 214       return "msginsult <nick> => insult <nick> via /msg"
 215     else
 216       return "insult module topics: msginsult, insult"
 217     end
 218   end
 219   def name
 220     "insult"
 221   end
 222   def privmsg(m)
 223     suffix=""
 224     unless(m.params)
 225       m.reply "incorrect usage: " + help(m.plugin)
 226       return
 227     end
 228     msgto = m.channel
 229     if(m.plugin =~ /^msginsult$/)
 230       prefix = "you are "
 231       if (m.params =~ /^#/)
 232         prefix += "all "
 233       end
 234       msgto = m.params
 235       suffix = " (from #{m.sourcenick})"
 236     elsif(m.params =~ /^me$/)
 237       prefix = "you are "
 238     else
 239       who = m.params
 240       if (who == @bot.nick)
 241         who = m.sourcenick
 242       end
 243       prefix = "#{who} is "
 244     end
 245     insult = generate_insult
 246     @bot.say msgto, prefix + insult + suffix
 247   end
 248   def generate_insult
 249     adj = @@adj[rand(@@adj.length)]
 250     adj2 = ""
 251     loop do
 252       adj2 = @@adj[rand(@@adj.length)]
 253       break if adj2 != adj
 254     end
 255     amt = @@amt[rand(@@amt.length)]
 256     noun = @@noun[rand(@@noun.length)]
 257     start = "a "
 258     start = "an " if ['a','e','i','o','u'].include?(adj[0].chr)
 259     "#{start}#{adj} #{amt} of #{adj2} #{noun}"
 260   end
 261 end
 262 plugin = InsultPlugin.new
 263 plugin.register("insult")
 264 plugin.register("msginsult")
 265